I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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