batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
