just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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