I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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