I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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