literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
