Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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