he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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