The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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