the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
