i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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