life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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