Im at strip club and am horny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
