just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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