my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
