Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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