If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ok first of all what the fuck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
