talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
