His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
