I can text with my tongue
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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