11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
