the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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