My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
