did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
