You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
