Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
