Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
