i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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