Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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