You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You made out with two different species that night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
