Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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