I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
