You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
