My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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