how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
