he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
