I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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