sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
