a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
