Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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