don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
