Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
