I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
