While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
