M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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