If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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