His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
