Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
