after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
