You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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