I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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