i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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