btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
