i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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