how can u be prego again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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