his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
