I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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