I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
